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Being the partner of someone in eating disorder recovery (I imagine, as I’m always the person in the latter category) can be rough. There’s a lot to consider — from how to compliment their bodies respectfully to how to avoid triggering them when talking about food. And if there’s one thing that complicates this delicate balance even more, it’s sex.
In Western society, the idea of gaining weight is often viewed as the ultimate sin. We associate weight gain with failure, while we view weight loss as a sign of strength. For me, I wanted to get smaller, because I craved acceptance, even though it was acceptance from a superficial place.
“When it finally hit my how sick our daughter was, I almost collapsed. We had just come home from a doctor’s appointment (the second in eight days) and it was suddenly crystal clear how rapid and uncontrolled her weight loss was… By the time I got home, I was shaking uncontrollably, my lips were numb, I couldn’t feel my fingertips and I wasn’t sure if my legs would carry me up the steps.”
Over the last two years, my work life has consisted of a before-and-afterschool program and an arts program for at-risk youth. My volunteer work at NEDIC, where I facilitate body image and media literacy workshops with students, has truly helped to change my lens. Although it would be fun, I’m not here to share with you cute anecdotes about the behavior of children or the funny things they say. Instead, I’d like to give you a window into the educators and caregivers I work with and some of the unconscious behavior they routinely engage in.
Holidays are a time to be thankful for what you have and giving to others – but they are also a time of abundant food-oriented activities spent with friends and family. This time can be anxiety-provoking, triggering and distressing for someone recovering from an eating disorder. As the holidays come to a close, we are faced with the upcoming New Year. In our culture, New Years is idealized as a time for major change and reinvention. Every year, many of us make New Year’s resolutions – these resolutions invite us to think about our selves and how we’d like to be. Although this can be a time of healthy reflection - for some, it can also be a time when disordered thinking emerges. A time that triggers uncontrollable urges to make rigorous rules regarding eating, dieting and exercising. New Years resolutions can stir strict, critical and perfectionist thoughts and lure some off the track of recovery.
One of my aspirations is to do my part in undoing the feelings of insecurity and incompleteness people feel in trying to measure up to society's "ideal" beauty standards.
For two harrowing weeks, my team exhausted their appeals trying to convince my insurance company that I was too sick to remain in day treatment. Not only did they refuse residential, but they also decided that I no longer qualified for PHP treatment:
A few years ago, after Nancy Vonk and I gave a speech at an event, Kate Cassaday, an editor from HarperCollins came up to us and said, “You’ve broken every rule of business to achieve success, and I think that’s a book.” We made some self-deprecating comment, joked a little and brushed off the offer with a breezy, “We’ll think about it”. In other words, we did what so many women do. Oh, we of little faith.
Let me introduce myself: my name is Brooke, I'm a mom (still very awesome to say), wife, sister, daughter and graphic designer extraordinaire. I battled bulimia and anorexia for many years and I'd like to say that I've kicked ED out of my life, but I know that he still lurks around when I'm vulnerable.
I recently found myself leading a workshop on body image and self esteem for a large group of grade seven and eight girls. One of the tools I like to lead with is a getting-to-know-you exercise in which every participant shares their name and something that they like about themselves with the group. The only rule is that this quality cannot be appearance-based. With adults, this exercise tends to be fairly smooth – at our age most adults are able to define something they value about themselves, even if it takes a moment of soul searching.
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