There's No Comparison

Recently, I enjoyed a visit from my sister. She has lived in Tokyo for the past six years, but always manages to get in at least one annual visit to the homeland, usually in August. The visit itself was not out of the ordinary; what was of note was my reaction and feelings during it. I've finally come to the point where I'm not comparing myself to her all the time, not feeling "less than," but actually respecting our individuality. My sister is three years younger than I am; both of us are bright, but she always seemed (to me) to have the upper hand. As children, she was always thinner than I was (until I "got sick"), she rode a two-wheeler at a younger age, she grew taller than me, surpassed me in piano, won a scholarship for her undergrad – even had sex before I did! Now she's married, has a PhD and is a professor at a university in Tokyo. Oh yeah, she also speaks French, German, and is developing fluency in Japanese. But, for some reason, after years of treatment and recovery work, it didn't matter so much to me. In fact, I'm proud of her – not jealous. I enjoyed our time together – I was able to appreciate who she was, rather than dwelling on what I wasn't. Refreshing. Empowering!

Another recent event brought on a similar phenomenon. I had been taking a stand-up comedy workshop. Each of us in the group developed a routine. As usual, I thought everyone else was better than I was. But, the night of the performance, something magical happened. Everyone in the group was so individual, yet we were all so "into" supporting each other that there was a "group confidence" infusion. No one act was better than another, we were each so unique, and everyone laughed. I felt so connected to the others – how could I be jealous – we were there for support, not competition. That change in attitude has been vital to my recovery.

When I start comparing myself to others – feeling "less than" because someone surpasses me in some talent, that's what gets me into trouble. I have to focus on what I bring to the table, how that might complement, rather than compete with, the strengths of others. It helps me to better appreciate them and, perhaps, with my defences not so strong, they can better appreciate me. Connecting with others, rather than seeing them as potential rivals – in my experience, for my recovery, there's no comparison.