Coping with the Holidays When You Have an Eating Disorder
Submitted by nedic blogger on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 13:25
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Image Credit: Provded by Ailey Jolie.
My road to recovery from disordered eating hasn't been linear. During my process, there were several periods of time where I physically appeared 'stable' to my friends and family. However inside my mind lived a monster of nemesis thinking. These times, when physically recovered from the detrimental consequences, were some of the toughest times to navigate because I hadn't reached an emotional equilibrium or addressed any of the deeper seeded emotions that caused me to seek comfort in depriving myself of nutrients.
My family became a team of superheroes, battling some evil villain when I couldn’t myself. After a while I realized there was no getting around it, I had let my family in and now I couldn’t kick them out. I had to sit back and try to enjoy.
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Throughout my life, I have struggled with perfectionism.
The clothing in my closet had to be organized and arranged in a systematic and precise way, divided by colours, texture, and seasons. The books on my shelves had to be sorted by author, subject and year. I would spend hours shaping my external environment to be meticulously spotless.
As long as I can remember, food has been a large part of my life. Growing up Italian, it was inevitable. What 10 year old me did not anticipate was that enjoying food would become something of the past, and a preoccupation with counting and control would become the thing of the future.
As long as I can remember, food has been a large part of my life. Growing up Italian, it was inevitable. What 10 year old me did not anticipate was that enjoying food would become something of the past, and a preoccupation with counting and control would become the thing of the future.
Image Credit: Delia Xenophontos
Too many people suffering from mental illness feel alone, embarrassed, and guilty because of the stigma attached to it. In honour of World Mental Health Day, I’m sharing my story to remind all those suffering that it’s okay not to be okay.
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I stopped writing,
I started counting.
Image Credit: photo provided by the author.
In Jewish mourning tradition, it is customary for the next of kin to request memorial donations
for a cause important to their loved one. This tangible offering of tzedakah (righteous giving) connects the loved one to the mourners, their family, friends and community in an act of tikkun olam (repairing the world). When my mother died this February past, choosing an organization to honour her memory created an inner whirlpool that still spins inside my heart.
How do I gain control? How do I make my world stop spinning? I stopped eating. I learned that I could control what went into my body and what came out. It was the first time in my life I felt like I had something that I owned, something that was all mine.
On this week's blog, an annonymous blogger tells her story of how ED took over her life, and how she learned how to tell the eating disorder voice to SHUT UP!